He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
