Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
