Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
