He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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