One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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