you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
