Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
