3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
