Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
