If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
