just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
