Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
