It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
