A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
