i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
