she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
