if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
