Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
