i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
