If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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