i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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