Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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