All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
