just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
