yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
