My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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