i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
