this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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