70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
