did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
