So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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