I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
