dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
