I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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