hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
