dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
