How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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