It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
