batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
