I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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