maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
