Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
