Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
