there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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