Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Randomize
