i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So gin and wine won't be happening again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
