I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
