I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
