he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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