seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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