You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
