there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
