She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
