Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize