$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
