We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
