Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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